I was asked in an interview today what my greatest fear was, to which I responded failure. After having some time to reflect on that I have come to realize it's not really failure I am afraid of, it is not succeeding, ever. While realted they are not the same thing. One still has the possiblity of later success and happiness that other only leads to dispare (which I consider the loss of hope). That is my fear, to work this hard and never be able to achieve that which I aspire to, To work and work and never reach my goal. I don't want to end up like poor Tantalus.
"Tantalus's punishment, now proverbial for temptation without satisfaction (the source of the English word "tantalizing"[10]), was to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches. Whenever he reached for the fruit, the branches raised his intended meal from his grasp. Whenever he bent down to get a drink, the water receded before he could get any."
I fear of working this hard and getting so close to my dreams to only have them receed from my reach and I never be able to reach them. That the light appears at the end of the tunnel but never gets any closer.
While I may have my fears, I will not let them paralyze me for hope and faith are often all I have. I have to trust that things will work out in the end.
Recently I have had cause for hope. Today I completed two interviews, one for grad school and one for the job. While the job interview did not work I have not lost hope. I still have the other, which I should find out about in the next two weeks. If that doesn't work out than I'll tr again with someone/somewhere else. Even if they reject me it has still giving me hope and has made the light grow a little closer.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
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